FRIENDSHIP
(A Summary from a Scenario Singles Outreach Service)
Friendship. What is it really? What does it mean? How does it affect our lives as Christians? What importance does it hold for single Christians? Let's look at friendship according to its definition and through the eyes of scripture - examining ourselves in the light of God's perspective on this subject.
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Synonyms for "friendship" are: companionship, fellowship, camaraderie, association, brotherhood and mutual esteem. The Strong's concordance defines friend as "a close associate" in the Old Testament. In the New Testament, the most common definitions refer to an associate, comrade or neighbor. One of the accompanying attitudes deals with "fondness". In other words, a friend is someone that we are fond of. Therefore, we can safely define friendship as "mutual fondness coupled with association". Friendship (a vehicle by which we exercise friendliness) is a relationship (a vehicle by which we relate).
Without friendship, each one of us would fall short in Christ. Why do I say this? Because "friendship" and "fellowship" go hand-in-hand. God has arranged the walk of a saint in such a manner that no man or woman can be an island. We all need one another. Fellowship, according to the Strong's dictionary, refers to "social intercourse". This is where we exchange and share what's on our minds and our hearts. Fellowship can and will make or break us in our walk with Christ. Here are some NT references on fellowship - good and bad - which (by the way) was a common attribute of people in the early church:
Acts 2:42
1 Corinthians 10:20
2 Corinthians 6:14
Ephesians 5:11
Philippians 2:1-2
Hebrews 13:16
1 John 1:1-7
While many singles "cry the blues" about being in a relationship, God's heart for his single children is that they learn to be good friends first (which, contrary to popular belief, is key to having a successful marital relationship). This will increase the prospect of success. Each one of us is desirous of friendship, whether we admit it or not. In our desire for friendship and camaraderie, however, we must understand that the renewing of the mind that Paul spoke of in Romans 12:1-2 also affects this area of our lives. Therefore, we need to understand what God is saying to us regarding this matter.
The ability to handle friendship can and will affect things beyond marriage. This is because it takes character to be a "friend" in the true sense of the word (from the perspective of God). Let's take a walk through the scriptures and look at various aspects of "friendship". We'll see some of the qualities that we should embrace, as well as some that we should beware of and cast off.
- True Friends Are Dependable (Proverbs 6:1-3): This passage
deals with keeping your word at all costs. Many can't even be faithful in
returning a phone call, let alone doing what they said they would do. As
we treasure commitments that we make to our friends, this blesses and solidifies
our character. Can your friends count on you when you've committed to doing
something? Once you have committed, you are "bound" to come through and deliver
what you have said. This is not a burden. This is trustworthiness and dependability
- great characteristics for a friend.
- True Friends Are Consistent and Steadfastly Loving (Proverbs 17:17): Ever
wonder why friendships last, but many "relationships" don't? Friends respect
one another. Many people enter into "relationships" without having been friends
first. As a result, this type of relationship lacks the benefits that come
from mutual respect. Friendship has a "glue" that helps you to "stick" to
one another through everything. That glue is described in one word - LOVE.
A friend loves at ALL times - good times, bad times, rich times, poor times,
sharp times, dull times, smelly breath times, broke times, sick times, moody
times, etc. This passage of scripture should destroy the mindset that discourages
people from entering into a relationship with a friend. You should want to
marry a friend. Many people are divorced because they married someone who
was not a friend or who lacked "friend-like" characteristics. A "friend" will
love you through thick and thin. Another Note: In Song of Solomon 5:16, the
companion is referred to as a friend. Lord help Christians that don't marry
a friend.
- True Friendship Requires Responsibility (Proverbs 18:24): This
passage has been butchered in recent years. People have begun saying "A man
that hath friends must first show himself friendly.. The passage doesn't
say that. In response to the misrepresentation, people try to be friendly
in an attempt to get friends. This ought not so to be. David and Jonathan
were the best of friends, but neither of them planned it. Just as they didn't
plan it, neither can we. God knows who we need in our lives and for what
reason. The word "friendly" in this passage is defined: to spoil, break in
pieces or to make good for nothing. That doesn't sound pleasant, does it?
The "good for nothing" is actually figurative. It illustrates the effect
that commitment can have on an individual. In order for one to be broken
in pieces (keeping in mind that this a voluntary act) one must truly care,
make oneself available and be duly committed to another's cause or need.
In short, this is what happens when we accept the responsibility that comes
with true relationships - friendship or otherwise. As we mature in this aspect
of friendship, functioning in this manner will become familiar ground and
will usher in a certain level of ease in a relationship (especially if marriage
occurs). Jesus gave the greatest example of this attribute of friendship.
He was "broken in pieces" for our transgressions and iniquities. He laid
down His life for his friends. Men who seek wives should embrace this quality,
first and foremost, because husbands must love wives as Christ loved the
church and laid down His life for it.
- True Friendship Hurts, But For Our Good (Proverbs 27:6): When
the scripture says, Faithful are the wounds of a friend., it is directly
implying that YOU WILL BE WOUNDED. Yet, this type of wound is for our good.
A friend will see something that you don't. Because of the commitment and
level of care, the friend will address the issue - all for the purpose of
seeking your good. We live in an age where "church folk" don't like to be
rebuked, corrected and/or admonished, it's good to know and embrace this "wounding".
Someone in our lives who can't or won't speak the word of the Lord to us
when we're going the wrong way IS NOT being a friend. Why? Because a friend
loveth at all times.
- True Friendship Enhances Our Life (Proverbs 27:17): Have
you ever seen a chef sharpen knives? We should have the same effect on one
another. Do you consider yourself to be someone's friend? Do you just do
things together or are you a blessing to one another? Do you help to enhance
other people's spirituality or are you a stumblingblock? Just as the next "bullet" points
out, one must be made capable of friendship. Once we acquire wisdom and knowledge
in Christ and develop proper people skills in Him, we can be relied on to "sharpen" other
people and be sharpened as well. A key point here is that only iron can sharpen
iron properly. Selah.
- A True Friend is Wise and Capable of Counsel (Proverbs 27:9): Good
advice does for us what a nice cologne or perfume does for us when we're
getting ready in the morning. I don't know anyone who doesn't like a nice
smelling fragrance. The key here is that everyone is not capable of providing "hearty
counsel". The word "hearty" was also translated "soul" in Genesis 2:7. It
is also translated "life". We can safely refer to "hearty counsel" as the "speaking
of life" into one's person. The only people capable of "speaking life" are
those who embrace life themselves. This brings the words of John to mind
from 1 John 1:1-7. He knew Jesus, properly related to Him and passed the
same information on to the readers of the epistle. Many of us have people
speaking into our lives that don't really understand what they are talking
about. We must embrace the counsel of the godly. Remember, blessed is the
man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly. Anyone who does not have
the ability to give hearty counsel, lacks potential and ability in the friendship
department. If any man lacks wisdom, let him ask of God..
- True Friends Are Open (John 15:16): Jesus referred to
His disciples as friends in this passage. In accordance with this, He confirms
His friendship by sharing things with them. Note that as you read the gospels,
Jesus wasn't extremely open with everyone. He would always break things down
for His disciples when they were together. True friendship mirrors this type
of openness. We should be willing to be open and truthful, as well as receive
the same from someone else. It's going to take wisdom to deal with this.
If someone tells you something that dumbfounds you, you'll need to know how
to handle it. Of course, it goes without saying that you don't handle it
by telling everyone. You should be ready with words of wisdom and/or the
willingness to stand in the gap through prayer.
- Never Honor Friendship Above the Lord (Deuteronomy 13:6-13): I'm
not endorsing stoning by mentioning this passage :-). Instead, I'm drawing
out the element of the passage. The element here is that friendship, or our
affection for someone, does not take precedence over the things of God and
the statutes He has ordained for our lives. If a friend brings you something
(e.g., information) that violates the love of God, you have a responsibility
to reject it AND to deal with the individual - not with stones, but with
a true Rock, the word of God.
- Choose Friends Wisely (Proverbs 22:24-25): Our reference
verse here deals with being friends with an angry person. Verse 25 gives
the reason - lest you learn his ways and get a snare to thy soul. First Corinthians
15:33 says, Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners. Two
words here that must be understood - communications and manners. They actually
mean, respectively, company/companionships and morals. In other words, association
brings about assimilation.
There are more examples in scripture about bad associations and alliances via friendship. Remember the account of Haman in the book of Esther? He was the one who had gallows built for the purpose of hanging and killing Mordecai, but ended up hanging on them himself. Guess what? The gallows weren't Haman's idea. According to Esther 5:14, this suggestion came from Haman's wife and friends. Haman's ungodly friends became a source of his death. Pashur, an enemy of Jeremiah, had judgment pronounced upon him in Jeremiah 20:6. The related problem here is that judgment was also pronounced on his friends that he had been prophesying lies to. If you lack wisdom choosing friends, remember that God will give wisdom liberally for the asking. Choosing friends, just as many things Christians do, is actually a matter of life and death. Choose wisely.
- Don't Wear Out Your Welcome - Be Discerning (Proverbs 25:17): This verse is so unfamiliar and possibly shocking that it should be printed. "Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour's house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.' The Holy Ghost Himself is stating that it's possible to get on someone's nerves. Everybody needs some space (some "me-time" if you will) at some time or another. Single people need it. Married people need it. You need time alone with the Lord and you need time alone with yourself to take care of your business and gather your thoughts. You can't accomplish this if you're always in someone's presence. I'm glad the Lord created us with a limit such as this. The word "weary" in this passage means to be satisfied. In other words, there is a point of "satisfaction" that we reach with one another as friends that we should not violate. When we cross this line, it results in what appears to be moodiness, agitation and short-temperedness. Both the person wearing out his/her welcome and the person who is being worn out need to be aware of these warning signs and submit to them so that the friendship does not become threatened or proceed into discord. When someone has had their "fill" of you, go home. Don't be offended. You need time for yourself as well. If someone is "getting on your nerves", don't hyperbolize the situation and blame it on them. Recognize and be willing to communicate the fact that you need some time to yourself. Be discerning (sharp, wise, understanding of the situation) and respond in a godly manner. Recognition of this "warning sign" makes for healthy friendships.
Jesus had friends. Paul had friends. David had friends. John had friends. We will also have friends. More importantly, we are all someone's friend. How are you handling your commitment as a friend? Can you be counted on? Are you open? Have you chosen your friends wisely or are you fellowshipping with devils? Do you enhance other's lives? Are you capable of providing godly counsel? Have you ever honored your friends above the word of God? Do you?
Let's examine ourselves in these things and accept the challenge that friendship brings. It'll bless us at work, at home, with our brothers and sisters in Christ and in marriage (if the Lord sees fit to grant you this gift). We need friendship. Let's be good at it.
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