The Challenge of Maximizing Singleness, Part 1
I Am My Brother's Keeper
(Genesis 4:9)

And the LORD said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother's keeper?

Ahhhh. The grand question posed by the Lord to Cain after he murdered Abel. Where is thy brother? Immediately someone will see this and wonder what this has to do with singles ministry. After you review this article, you'll understand why this is so important.

Before we deal with this sub-topic, let's review the issue of "maximizing singleness"T. Basically speaking, maximizing singleness refers to making the most out of one's time in singlehood. The concept is actually quite simple. When you think about it, we should desire to maximize our potential and success in every area of our lives. One of the greatest obstacles to maximizing is the element of distraction. If we become overly concerned with things that keep us from seeing certain issues properly, very subtlely, we foster problems in our lives and keep ourselves from being all that we can be AND, most importantly, we keep ourselves from being everything that the Lord has ordained that we be.

The average single Christian is usually engrossed with one or more of three things:

1. Pursuing a fruitful education
2. Securing a successful career
3. Getting married

While each of these desires is basically wholesome, if one does not pursue them properly, the word of God can be "choked" and the individual will not bring forth fruit to perfection. Singles, don't forget . . . you have been bought with a price (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). You must strive to enter in at the strait gate - always keeping the Lord Jesus Christ at the forefront of your heart and mind, keeping His word at all costs that you might be perfected in love in Him.

My Brother's Keeper

Now, back to the grand question and the issue-at-hand. Ask yourself - AM I MY BROTHER'S KEEPER?

Before you answer, let's pinpoint a three elements to make sure that we're on the same page and to make this exhortation clear. We'll define the word "keeper", look at Cain's response and show the relevance to maximizing singleness (especially for those who desire to be married).

• Definition of "Keeper": According to the Strong's Hebrew dictionary, the word "keeper" means "to guard, protect or attend to" (someone or something). In this case, Genesis 4:9 is referring to the guarding, protecting and attending to someone.
  
  "Guarding" refers to "looking out for one's best interest - to take care of, keeping someone from harm, theft, injury, loss or anything that is not in the best interest of the person's welfare". The function of "guarding" implies acceptance of the responsibility thereof, as well as a recognition of the value of what is being protected. It requires watchfulness. The person doing the guarding takes the well-being of that which is guarded personally and seriously. He/She that lacks awareness or skill regarding guarding is not sensitive to loss or injury and is not committed to the task.
  
  "Protect" refers to "covering or shielding from exposure, injury, or destruction". It also refers to "protective covering". When we "protect" our brother/sister, we keep them from exposure to things that contradict the kindgom of God, from things that injury (cause loss or unnecessary suffering in God) and from things that destroy.
  
  NOTE: When "protecting", please keep in mind that we are responsible for protecting everyone . Tooooo many Christians seek to protect certain individuals (e.g., pastors, friends, high profile persons), but not all that are deserving of protection. Tooooo many Christians also seek to protect others without concern for the will of God. Protection DOES NOT negate the will of God. In other words, if someone is being wicked, they are not deserving of protection and shielding. Instead, they need to be corrected, reproved and/or rebuked that they might be sound in Christ Jesus. Don't be tricked into protecting the guilty and destroying the innocent. Proverbs 17:15 says, "He that justifieth the wicked, and he that condemneth the just, even they both are abomination to the LORD." Be careful with this one.
  
  "Attending" refers to: 1) paying attention to; 2) looking after (i.e., taking care of) and 3) to stay with as a companion, nurse or servant. When we attend to a person, we are mindful of his/her state. We are skillfully identifying and providing needs. We are CARING and AWARE.
  
  As you consider these definitions and look at Cain and Abel, Cain's miscue and falling short become thoroughly apparent. Needless to say, Cain did not fulfill this role in the life of Abel. Let's go further.
  
  
• Cain's Response: First, consider the question once again -- "WHERE IS ABEL THY BROTHER?" Now, of course, God knew the answer to this question. Cain actually had an opportunity to deal with this matter in a more astute fashion, but he didn't. We should pay close attention to elements of his response.
  
  
  • The Lie (Denial): The first thing Cain did (as recorded) was to lie, disconnecting himself from the matter. This is an act of denial. Cain said "I don't know." He knew that his brother was dead and that he was responsible. When God speaks to our hearts about something and we fall short in that area, if we are pure hearted, conviction will result. When confronted with conviction, we cannot remedy the situation with a lie.
    
    
  • The Blindness (Sacrificing Awareness): It is extremely important for us to note, at this point, that hatred is a blinding attitude. Not only is it blinding, but it is SELF-INFLICTING BLINDNESS. If a person succumbs to hatred, they willfully sacrifice awareness. One cannot refuse the truth without suffering the consequences. First John 2:11 says, "But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes." Cain was so blind that he thought he could "pull one over" on God. He was so blind that he thought he could lie his way out of the situation. He was wrong. In order to be a good keeper, we must accept responsibilities for our own actions and recognize how our actions affect others. You cannot be blind and be a good keeper.
    
    
  • The Question: By asking the question, "Am I my brother's keeper", Cain confirms his blindness and insults the Lord in the process - so much so that he never has another opportunity to respond until the Lord has set His decree. The question was smart alecky. It had a "what are you asking me for" attitude about it. Cain, being a servant of jealousy, never realized his responsibility to his brother Abel. In not recognizing his responsibility, there was no means of curbing malicious behavior.
    
    
  • Our Responsibility: If you want to be a good keeper, you must be pure-hearted. You must be honest. You must be willing to accept TRUTH, regardless of how it makes you feel, and respond in accordance with the will and word of God. We must resist hatred and its cousins (i.e., malice, bitterness, unforgiveness, jealousy, envy, strife, variance, emulation, etc.), for these things can keep a child of God from seeing clearly. Those who do not see clearly cannot respond properly.
    
    Just as Cain was asked where his brother was, so also does the Lord also present the same issue to us. Have you ever had a person come to mind -- maybe during prayer or just while you're driving down the street -- a person that you haven't seen for a while or have been wondering about? When this happens what do you do? This is one of the ways that the Lord invites us to be our brother's keeper. If nothing else, in these situations, we should at least pray for the person that came to mind. In some cases, we're led to call the person on the phone or send them an e-mail. Maybe you'll need to get in touch with the person and go to lunch with them and chat a bit. In so doing, we pave the way to fulfill the call of the keeper -- guarding, protecting and attending to their well-being.
    
    When the person comes to mind and you do nothing or you begin bashing the person -- talking about falsities, rumors and other foolishness -- you fall short of the call of the keeper. If God were to ask you where "so-and-so" is? What would your response be? Don't respond like Cain. If you find yourself responding like him, do yourself a favor and repent quickly.
    
    
• Relevance to Maximizing Singleness: One of the elements being perfected in the life of a successful single is the skill of "keeping". Doing so helps us to be a blessing in the lives of our brothers and sisters in Christ. This is an even more serious issue for those who seek to be married. Those that get married are usually more conscious of the benefits of marriage than the responsibility thereof. Truth be told, you'll be the main keeper for your husband or wife. The better are more dedicated you are to this function, the better off you and your household will be.
  
  Being aware of your spouse's state is a "skill" that you can't wait to develop after you get married. The necessity and value of protection should be apparent long before you say "I do". Attending to someone's well being can't be a new "wrinkle" in your life when you get married. It should have been a constant prior to that time. You must be committed to developing it NOW!!! If you desire and embrace the "call to keeping", you'll be one step closer to truly maximizing your singleness.

Now you can answer the question. ARE YOU YOUR BROTHER'S KEEPER? Are you excellent concerning this? Where do you think you can improve? Can your brother (or sister) count on you to be their keeper? Do you recognize the value in your brother or sister in Christ?

Saints, we are our brother's keeper. Serving as our brother's keeper is a mark of love in Christ. When we strive to be and are successful in this area, we facilitate the blessings of God in someone's life. We also contribute to the health of the body of Christ. If someone is in need of prayer, be there for them. Spend time in intercession on the behalf of others. If someone has need and you're in a position to meet the need without placing yourself at unnecessary risk, be responsive.

If someone else is successful in a given area that you're not so successful in or skilled at, don't be like Cain. He sought to "erase" the person's influence, memory and visuality. Learn to appreciate and embrace the other person. Learn to strive where God has graced you and excel at what the Lord has placed on your shoulders. Most importantly, in such cases, learn to be supportive of others' endeavors in Christ.

The bottom line of being your brother's keeper is to simply be sensitive. Cain was not sensitive. He was selfish and hateful. As a single Christian - whether you have been married before or not - you must learn how to be your brother's keeper. You must become an "expert" at it. One of the reasons that Christian marriage fail is because there are too many IGNORANT, CARNAL MINDED people getting married. Ask God for wisdom in this area. If you excel at being your brother's keeper, you'll recognize the value of it long before you become involved in a 24/7, close proximity situation of the same variety... MARRIAGE! Many married Christians fail to recognize or remember that their spouse was their brother or sister in Christ BEFORE they were joined in matrimony AND that they continue to be in that position afterwards.

Brothers, when you become an excellent "keeper", you'll love your wives as Christ loved the church. You'll labor in intercession for her. You'll honor her as the weaker (most precious) vessel. You'll remember to love her and resist the temptation to be bitter with her during trying times. You'll make your yoke easy and your burden light.

Sisters, when you become an excellent "keeper", you'll submit yourselves to your husband as unto the Lord. You'll be a crown (source of protection) to your husband. You'll be prudent and dutiful. You won't be contentious, odious and/or usurping. Your husband can safely trust in you.

When we embrace the mindset that the Lord has prepared for us, instead of asking "AM I MY BROTHER'S KEEPER", we'll recognize and embracethe fact that we are. We'll become convicted when we don't stand in the gap for, protect or facilitate safety in the lives of our spiritual siblings. When possible, we'll bring closure to situations proceeding from others that contradict our responsibility as keepers. We understand that we play a role in the well-being of others - not just ourselves. We'll embrace the responsibility in a timely manner - not after something has happened (or after we've done something wrong). Instead of asking the question, we'll rise diligently, enthusiastically and steadfastly to the task-at-hand - guarding, protecting and attending to one another in Christ (submitting to one another in love).

I AM MY BROTHER'S KEEPER!!!